The Release.

And you will never find out how much tears came down falling from these eyes.

And today, I tried.

No matter how many times your heart gets broken, disappointed and hurt, your heart just tolerates with the pain over and over again. To feel pain just means to be stronger - and today, I let it happen to me because I know I can handle it.

To lose to an argument and to apologise first, does not mean you lost the war, it just means you are being the bigger person - who let their ego go.

That's what I learned today.

It has been awhile

I've been leaving the blog for quite sometime now, been at least five months since I last logged in and had something to write up about.

A year has gone and a new year has just begun. So what has the year 2011 taught, brought and all that other things? I would say, 2011 has its ups and downs.

The ups ; I entered a university to further my studies, made new friends, survived living in Malaysia - away from the family back in Brunei, lived in a very small studio in Bangsar for the whole year, my partner is around with me in Malaysia, worked on set a few times, traveled to Bangkok for the first time, moved into a bigger place at the end of the year and more.

The downs ; I lost a dearest friend in July, who's birthday was three days ago (0301) - *air poke* Miss you, Aliff Ramlan! , made friends with untrustworthy people, slacked during third semester and I can't think of anything else.

I'd say, I had a great 2011, and somehow feel the little changes in my life, in which I think is for the better rather than for the worst. I've cut down on a few things as of late, and I think that's good.

So 2012, new year's resolution? Nothing really, I couldn't come up with any, but I guess I'll go by with whatever-mistakes-you-did-in-2011-don't-repeat-them-again-in-2012.

I think that should be it, I don't think resolutions actually help, to be honest I can't remember my 2011 resolutions. HA! Its more like, go with the flow, whatever/wherever life brings you is more like it for this year, I think? That's how things should be - more relaxed and laid back, but I must not be too comfortable with it.

Rest In Peace.

Photo taken in August 2009.

Aliff Ramlan at the top middle.

It has been awhile since I felt like this. The start of July isn't really the greatest, and I never thought I would be greeting the month with grief.

Yesterday morning, I received unfortunate news from my mother. She bring me news that one of my brother's best friend passed away in a car crash. I was in shocked and could not get back to my sleep after.

Its heavy inside, knowing that the fact your brother practically grew up with this guy and this guy is fortunate enough to be a family friend. I really don't know how to react but I know I should be there for my brother as we all share his grief.

Aliff Ramlan, you were a good friend, the nicest and kindest person I've met and known. You will always be remembered and missed by many. I am grateful to have shared great times with my brother and you and the rest of smssa gang. We went through a whole lot together that bunch of us, from being friends with each others siblings to being a part of the family. You are missed, Liff!

May you rest in peace.

I don't think anyone can come up with foul memories of you because you were truly a nice guy.

The Boy who became a Man.

What I have is not a boy, but a Man - who stands by me through all my ups and downs. This journey in life we have been through together has been the greatest and nothing else can beat what we have, and I am happy to say that, we have taken a step ahead of what we have. There is nothing else I could ask for but You.

Here goes nothing..

2011 ; here goes nothing.

Million miles away from home. I just took one step closer to adulthood. Living alone in the big city of Malaysia, I am determined to go home with flying colors, for this is my opportunity to show those who believe in me and I am determined that I will bring home a Degree!

I have to say, I am in the right pathway in my life, as I dreamed to hold such certificate at the age of atleast 25. I am coming 22 this year, therefore, by the time I am 25, I have graduated with a Degree. I am so excited to finish up and get a stable job. This is so going to be an epic moment in my life, and if I get the chance to, I would like to finish up to Masters, if everything goes well.

No doubt about being homesick, it sucks big time here, living alone. Everyday, coming home from Uni would suck and waking up as well. There's literally noone to talk to at my new home, the only thing that keeps me company is my laptop and cell. That's it.

I miss my family, I miss my boyfriend and I miss my boys. I miss home so badly.