Rants here and there.

sunsets at home - I'll see you very soon.

Do you ever wonder whether what you're doing with your life is enough and what you really want for yourself? I know that everyone asks themselves at some point of their lives "What the hell am I doing?" and seems to be happening to me quite a number of time for the pass few months.

Being unsure whether this is what I want to do, whether I am doing the right thing and whatsoever. I think its all in the mind and the mind just fucks up with you and just stresses you out.

What I need is a breather - from being a responsible grown up (I think I am). It is tiring, being independent and having all these responsibilities to settle i.e. bills, rents, maintaining a vehicle, etc. Ohmygod!

So they all think its all fun and games being away from home, but its not. Never did, could say I didn't expect this is how I would be spending my time here. I guess, I'm just torn in between of wanting to enjoy life - relaxing by the beach, travel the world, see new things, new environment, new sights, new smells - and wanting to achieve that dream of earning shit loads of money - to do so, got to get the study ongoing. These two can't go hand in hand at this point of my uni life, seriously.

I guess, its true what they say, you have to struggle at first and it will all pay off - I hope so.

A year it has been.

So, it was a year ago when I got that call in the wee hours of the morning, getting the most shocking news ever in my life.

You left us on this date last year, I really can't believe it has been that long. You are a true kind friend and I have missed you, Aliff Ramlan.

Hoping to pay you a visit as soon as I get back home. Hope you are doing fine up there, see you when I get there. Al-fatihah!

The Release.

And you will never find out how much tears came down falling from these eyes.

And today, I tried.

No matter how many times your heart gets broken, disappointed and hurt, your heart just tolerates with the pain over and over again. To feel pain just means to be stronger - and today, I let it happen to me because I know I can handle it.

To lose to an argument and to apologise first, does not mean you lost the war, it just means you are being the bigger person - who let their ego go.

That's what I learned today.

It has been awhile

I've been leaving the blog for quite sometime now, been at least five months since I last logged in and had something to write up about.

A year has gone and a new year has just begun. So what has the year 2011 taught, brought and all that other things? I would say, 2011 has its ups and downs.

The ups ; I entered a university to further my studies, made new friends, survived living in Malaysia - away from the family back in Brunei, lived in a very small studio in Bangsar for the whole year, my partner is around with me in Malaysia, worked on set a few times, traveled to Bangkok for the first time, moved into a bigger place at the end of the year and more.

The downs ; I lost a dearest friend in July, who's birthday was three days ago (0301) - *air poke* Miss you, Aliff Ramlan! , made friends with untrustworthy people, slacked during third semester and I can't think of anything else.

I'd say, I had a great 2011, and somehow feel the little changes in my life, in which I think is for the better rather than for the worst. I've cut down on a few things as of late, and I think that's good.

So 2012, new year's resolution? Nothing really, I couldn't come up with any, but I guess I'll go by with whatever-mistakes-you-did-in-2011-don't-repeat-them-again-in-2012.

I think that should be it, I don't think resolutions actually help, to be honest I can't remember my 2011 resolutions. HA! Its more like, go with the flow, whatever/wherever life brings you is more like it for this year, I think? That's how things should be - more relaxed and laid back, but I must not be too comfortable with it.