Rants here and there.

sunsets at home - I'll see you very soon.

Do you ever wonder whether what you're doing with your life is enough and what you really want for yourself? I know that everyone asks themselves at some point of their lives "What the hell am I doing?" and seems to be happening to me quite a number of time for the pass few months.

Being unsure whether this is what I want to do, whether I am doing the right thing and whatsoever. I think its all in the mind and the mind just fucks up with you and just stresses you out.

What I need is a breather - from being a responsible grown up (I think I am). It is tiring, being independent and having all these responsibilities to settle i.e. bills, rents, maintaining a vehicle, etc. Ohmygod!

So they all think its all fun and games being away from home, but its not. Never did, could say I didn't expect this is how I would be spending my time here. I guess, I'm just torn in between of wanting to enjoy life - relaxing by the beach, travel the world, see new things, new environment, new sights, new smells - and wanting to achieve that dream of earning shit loads of money - to do so, got to get the study ongoing. These two can't go hand in hand at this point of my uni life, seriously.

I guess, its true what they say, you have to struggle at first and it will all pay off - I hope so.

A year it has been.

So, it was a year ago when I got that call in the wee hours of the morning, getting the most shocking news ever in my life.

You left us on this date last year, I really can't believe it has been that long. You are a true kind friend and I have missed you, Aliff Ramlan.

Hoping to pay you a visit as soon as I get back home. Hope you are doing fine up there, see you when I get there. Al-fatihah!

The Release.

And you will never find out how much tears came down falling from these eyes.

And today, I tried.

No matter how many times your heart gets broken, disappointed and hurt, your heart just tolerates with the pain over and over again. To feel pain just means to be stronger - and today, I let it happen to me because I know I can handle it.

To lose to an argument and to apologise first, does not mean you lost the war, it just means you are being the bigger person - who let their ego go.

That's what I learned today.

It has been awhile

I've been leaving the blog for quite sometime now, been at least five months since I last logged in and had something to write up about.

A year has gone and a new year has just begun. So what has the year 2011 taught, brought and all that other things? I would say, 2011 has its ups and downs.

The ups ; I entered a university to further my studies, made new friends, survived living in Malaysia - away from the family back in Brunei, lived in a very small studio in Bangsar for the whole year, my partner is around with me in Malaysia, worked on set a few times, traveled to Bangkok for the first time, moved into a bigger place at the end of the year and more.

The downs ; I lost a dearest friend in July, who's birthday was three days ago (0301) - *air poke* Miss you, Aliff Ramlan! , made friends with untrustworthy people, slacked during third semester and I can't think of anything else.

I'd say, I had a great 2011, and somehow feel the little changes in my life, in which I think is for the better rather than for the worst. I've cut down on a few things as of late, and I think that's good.

So 2012, new year's resolution? Nothing really, I couldn't come up with any, but I guess I'll go by with whatever-mistakes-you-did-in-2011-don't-repeat-them-again-in-2012.

I think that should be it, I don't think resolutions actually help, to be honest I can't remember my 2011 resolutions. HA! Its more like, go with the flow, whatever/wherever life brings you is more like it for this year, I think? That's how things should be - more relaxed and laid back, but I must not be too comfortable with it.

Rest In Peace.

Photo taken in August 2009.

Aliff Ramlan at the top middle.

It has been awhile since I felt like this. The start of July isn't really the greatest, and I never thought I would be greeting the month with grief.

Yesterday morning, I received unfortunate news from my mother. She bring me news that one of my brother's best friend passed away in a car crash. I was in shocked and could not get back to my sleep after.

Its heavy inside, knowing that the fact your brother practically grew up with this guy and this guy is fortunate enough to be a family friend. I really don't know how to react but I know I should be there for my brother as we all share his grief.

Aliff Ramlan, you were a good friend, the nicest and kindest person I've met and known. You will always be remembered and missed by many. I am grateful to have shared great times with my brother and you and the rest of smssa gang. We went through a whole lot together that bunch of us, from being friends with each others siblings to being a part of the family. You are missed, Liff!

May you rest in peace.

I don't think anyone can come up with foul memories of you because you were truly a nice guy.

The Boy who became a Man.

What I have is not a boy, but a Man - who stands by me through all my ups and downs. This journey in life we have been through together has been the greatest and nothing else can beat what we have, and I am happy to say that, we have taken a step ahead of what we have. There is nothing else I could ask for but You.